Earning and Loosing Trust (Spirit Bear Pre-Reading)

I may have trust issues. Well, there's no may to it. I have trust issues. While I do trust some people (Tanner, Erika, Erin, Lily), I struggle with establishing trustful connections with people. I try to be nice to everyone, but I keep my distance from most people in general. This is kind of like a defense, don't put your trust in those who would misuse it, and it's a way of playing it safe. But it has its drawbacks, like the feeling that I don't belong any where (in honors, in school, sometimes even with my friends), but if that feeling means safety, than isn't it worth it?

 

 

That bared in mind, I don't really know how people earn my trust. Tanner and Erin have been around longer than my trust issues, back when it was easy to gain. But Lily and Erika gained my trust through time and experience. I trust them because we've been through a lot, and they've yet to leave. So, I guess that's the way to earn my trust. But at the same time, I question it whenever people actively attempt to gain my trust. I don't know why, but it always made me question their intentions. Maybe that's why I trust Erika and Lily. Maybe it's because it didn't feel like they were trying to earn my trust, but rather it felt like they were just trying to be good friends. That's how you should gain trust, not by trying to earn it, but simply by being a good friend.

 

 

Nevertheless, trust is hard to gain from me, but after you break it, it's even harder. I don't really know how you earn it back, no one has really tried, but I guess with time and persistence, I may forgive you. Try being a good friend, express genuine regret, and with time it may mend. That said, I've had many people try to earn my trust, but no one's tried earning it back, so it's hard to say what people could do.

 

 

One more thing, that is more personal. I want to explain the reasons I have trust issues. Last year, there was a girl (this sounds like the start of a soap opera). She was my best friend, the person I always talked to, and my confidant. Looking back now, I see that she hurt me a lot. She played my emotions, my trust, to her benefit. But I didn't care at the time. I thought she was amazing. I let her walk all over me. Until she did something I won't speak of. That was when I was done. I was through and I pushed her out. But it still hurt a lot, and I found myself with everyone I trusted walking out. There was a girl named Trinity but, she wasn't around for long. Everyone left, except for Tanner and Erin. Tanner may be eccentric, but he's like a brother, and Erin, like a sister. There's Lily and Erika too, which I am always grateful for. I treasure my friends, because they actually, genuinely care. I said before that I constantly feel like I don't belong. Well, my friends give me a place where I do.